Don't Call Me Baby: My hate of names like 'babe' and 'hun'
79I get so annoyed when people (especially my friends) pepper their sentences with generic pet names. I guess I can call them this. I mean when people say things like “hey hun,” “sure thing babe” ... etc etc. I understand the point behind it, it’s supposed to be nice, creating a sort of familiar atmosphere but for starters I just find it patronising. It just makes me feel so small when someone undoubtedly cooler than me calls me ‘babe.’ It’s like I’m being metaphorically patted on the head and someone’s thinking ‘aww isn’t she cute,’ but ultimately thinks I’m a bit of a joke and my opinion isn’t really worth much. This is just so far from the truth, I’m not cute (or a babe for that matter), I’m nothing if not serious and I’m more intelligent than the average person (I’m not boasting or anything, it’s a fact.) Strangely though, I usually only feel this about girls saying it to me, when it comes from a bloke it’s different somehow (although I always hate being called ‘hun’). I think it’s because regrettably there’s still that little part of me that thinks when a guy does it it is actually a compliment to me, and I kind of blush and giggle like a silly girl (I hate that part of me too).
I think that what annoys me most is that it is so generic. People will have a name that they use and they will just call everyone by that name, even people they don’t like. How impersonal! This is why we have our own individual names. My name is Jen, the purpose of my name is for you to refer to me by it. So do it! I guess it all originates from husbands and wives having names for each other as in the infamous ‘Honey, I’m home’ line and I have no problem with that. I have affectionate names that I call my boyfriend and he has the same for me. But they are names that he would ONLY use for me, they are unique to me and thus OK. My parents always call my sister ‘Babes’ and that’s fine, it’s what they call her, she’s the youngest one, the baby. But occasionally my mum will say it to me and it’s just wrong. She does call me by my sister’s name sometimes, so perhaps she just forgot who I was.
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My best friend does it as well, she’ll send me a text starting ‘hey my lovely.’ Well, I’m not hers and I’m definitely not lovely. I’m a bitch, I’m argumentative, I’m a pain in the ass and a bit of a tomboy. Not lovely. I was getting my hair done yesterday and the guy doing it was calling me ‘Darling’ but also calling his colleague ‘darling.’ I just would have thought that he’d be slightly more familiar with her than with me. He doesn’t know my name so I can kind of understand that (although I would rather he asked my name and then used it), but he knows his colleague, why would he use the same degree of familiarity with me and with her. People don’t have to try so hard to be nice and be liked all the time, it’s all so fake. Does this bother anyone else? Maybe I’m just weird, I’ll fully admit to that!
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I am from Texas. We call everyone "hun", or "sugar". You would hate it here. I guess it is supposed to be endearing. I don't even notice it anymore. I just call everyone ma'am, or sir. :)
Oh yes I love being called ma'am here,but Im thinkin Jen was meaning after someone knows your name..but just depends hows it said ...
Davina this guy said ,thank'ya sugar (I opened the door for him an his wife) to me,..I loved it !!
It can be nice if it's meant in a genuine way. It's just when it is used in such a blase way. Because it IS an endearing term, so it should be used as such, not when it is quite clearly fake.
My nan always calls me 'miss.' When I often to get her a drink or something she'll say 'thank you miss.' And I think she's trying to be nice (although im not sure) but it just makes my skin crawl.
Lovin the writing you're doing... WILL find the time to read more of your hubs!
Ha ha ha ha hilarious hub. Didnt know you were this funny, Jen. how about I call you Jen baby or Jen hun? Work for ya. Lol. Hey, can we go on a date? *tweaks eyebrows*
Hi what can i call you.... why blacksheep????? It must be great to be intelligent, i am not, but have been told i have an intelligence with people.... i enfoyed this hub looking forward to reading more x
You are, if anything, very much an individual. I like your points! You make me smile. I'm looking forward to more great reads.
@poetlorraine - I don't know what brings you to the conclusion that I'm intelligent ... but thanx! I'm blacksheep because they are a squadron of planes that I like, and because I always feel like a black sheep.
@Daniel - I try my hardest to be individual, I'm glad I'm coming across that way :D Your comment made me smile!
I need to get myself a hub page I think. I deffo see where you're coming from hun....I'm just kidding hehe, I tend to avoid them. My dad hates it when people call him "mate". I'm OK with my parents calling me Darling, I'm OK with that...not too sure on friends who call me "hun". I think the most endearing thing you can do is call someone by their name.
lol . you probably wouldn't like me much . Good hub tho .
i think its even more patronizing coming from a man
Don't call me "hun" either. It sounds like a lazy way of saying "honey" but you can't even get the energy to say honey - which is disrespectful. It's like -- I forgot your name so I'm gonna say "hun." Or, I don't think much of you so I'm gonna pat you on the head and say "hun" to make you feel comfy and cozy while I think of something more important than your name. Hey hun, you're Attila to me, you're a HUN ffs, you're not a name, you're a thing. A hun. It's all just so not personal. I know people in Texas use the phrase hun a lot but that's Texas. It's not the rest of the 6 billion people on the planet.... who for the most part, don't find "hun" amusing or endearing at all. I tolerate it from southerners once or twice but if they make a habit of referring to me as "hun" I ask them to please stop, and most do. The ones who don't are generally too fizzy-headed to understand my request (in which case, god bless, I'm so not going to insist, because they're just in their own world anyway LOL)
Ye, I totally agree. I feel the same way when people say 'soz' instead of 'sorry'. If you're really sorry, at least be bothered to say the whole word!! I don't normally tell people not to say 'hun' because they are my friends and they only mean it to be nice. It's just a pet peeve!!
you're not weird....I totally agree.
Know what else I hate -people calling others duck,chicken.
I am not a form of Poultry lol!
ye, i find that weird. I don't find it quite as offensive coz it's generally older people that say it so it's less patronising, but definitely weird!
I have a friend that calls people 'chuck' perhaps it's a mix of duck and chicken!!
Jen,
I'm 50 years old and look like I'm 35. I am a professional and young females that I work with (in their 20s) have called me "Hon, Chickie, Love, Sweetpea, Dear, and Darling, and Old Girl" - all which make me cringe and royally annoy me.
I agree that the pet names sound too familiar and in fact I think they're rude (besides from people who live in Texas where it is used all the time, but I'm in Canada). I lost it one day after a colleague repeatedly called me love and dear and she went crying to management and said she never meant to demean me and management told me this is the way young people talk these days. I found that interesting given the fact that a 16 year old male patient she was dealing with and called him "Dude" told her to use his name.
Another colleague when I asked her to stop calling me Hon, started calling me Old Girl! She finally stopped when I refused to acknowledge her unless she addressed me respectfully. People like this I am coming to believe are just really sadly lacking in common civility and any degree of sophistication or maturity.
I value your independent thinking and totally agree with you.
Just ran across this after being totally pissed off by a young girl working in a Chik Fil A restaurant who called me "hun" repeatedly even after I asked her to stop. I didn't know this young girl and I was offended by her behavior. "Hun, step down her so I can take your order. Okay hun, tell me what you want." Get real, I'm 52, she was 16 or 17 and I'd never met her in my life. It was completely out of line and even in Texas she sounded foolish.
This happened in Texas. However, I was born and raised in the south (Alabama) and I have lived in Texas for 17 years. This "hun" thing isn't a "cultural" or "southern" thing. The majority of Southerners do not use terms of endearment quite so freely unless they are 80 or older. I've had this conversation with several of my Southern friends and we all agree, terms of endearment should be reserved for those who are dear to you and not strangers, customers, clients, coworkers, etc.
Final note, after I asked the girl to please not call me that, she asked "anything else...hun?"
I walked out.
Just realised how many comments I haven't replied too. Thanks everyone for taking time to comment, I really appreciate it. And I'm very glad that I'm not the only one that feels this way.
Thanks for all your comments!
good article baby
Sorry, but I really can't help but to think women whom get offended from being called 'hun' by someone else are really lacking in self-esteem/confidence.
Seriously, it's not meant to offend nor is it that we can't remember your name. It's a sign that we feel you're likeable and that we're comfortable around you. Formality is what makes any relationship more uncomfortable, IMO.
But then again, that's just me...a guys opinion. I don't whine whenever I'm called 'love' or 'dude' by other women. Suck it up.
It actually doesn't bother me so much when guys do it. It's condescending girls that bother me. Like when they are being really fake, being really nice to me when actually they wouldn't give me the time of day. Noone does it to offend, quite the opposite i'm sure ... I just find it offensive, patronising and condescending.
today this guy was giving out flyers about christianity and stuff. It was a fake money paper and on the back it said stuff like "heres the billion dollar question, if you died would you go to heaven" and "have you ever looked in lust? and stuff. Anyway I thought it was really ironic he called me "babe" as he handed me the flyer. It was really inappropriate to say to a regular stranger, especially if you want to be a model of a good christian :(
actually, yes it kinda makes you sound crazy
I have this problem too, and I totally get what you mean. My roommate comes from Texas and occasionally refers to me as hun. My problem is that she only does it when she's talking down to me, which she does constantly. I really ticks me off and I think the next time she does it I might just give her a piece of my mind. She's the kind of girl who would just tell me it's a Texan thing and that she doesn't mean anything by it (not true!).
If pet names are a sign of a deep relationship then friends should be allowed to dictate to some extent what they want to be called, after all, you don't actually want to drive your friends away by being obnoxious right?
I know what you mean! I hate to be called "babe" or "baby" it's like, I have a name! it just weirds me out, and i'm always so scared to tell guys that I don't like to be called that because they might find it weird. Also, i'm not much of a cuddler either. Am I weird? or I just havent found the right guy yet
See I would understand a bf or someone call u pet names. Me, I don't have a bf, so the only people I let call me a pet name are my friends Abby, who calls me honey doll, and my friend Catie who calls me
"Her Egyptian Daughter", cause my family was suppostivly from Egypt. See that's okay.
I think its rude of people your own age, whom you have never met before, call you hun or babe or something of the sort, because they have no idea who you are.. they've never met you before in their life.. also I would understand someone older than you calling you Hun or you calling someone ma'am or sir just because its respectful. The only guy (who is not my bf), I let call me a pet name is my friend Brayton who calls me Kid or Kiddo, because he is older than I am. Other than that.. heck no!
Glad it's not just me who feels this way. I told a work colleague who is a good deal younger than me to refrain from calling me 'chickie' and the response was 'I didn't mean anything by it'.
Bloody condescending cow!
I rather like it when people use terms of endearment. I think it's cute. Also, I find that most of the time when people use them they don't mean to be patronizing at all.
I'm 40 and female. My family doctor is younger than me. I'm guessing in his 30's. He often says greets me when entering the room with hello my dear or calls me darling. An older specialist who is originally from the England would call me luv or my luv. I guess their trying to be friendly ,but I've never had anyone else except my grandma say my dear,darling etc to me.
@Davinagirl3, I am also from Texas and I did not grow up with people insisting on calling everyone hun and sugar or whatever you said.
I hate it when strange men call me babe or hun, sweetie, angle, dear. It makes me feel as if they are dehumanizing me and see me as nothing more than there for their use. I am a person, if they do no put a name to me then I am no longer a real person. I hate babe and baby. Well not really, my dad calls my sisters and I that so when a man says it to me it makes me feel as if I have some daddy complex. I have also felt that if a man saw me as a person and someone he found truly interesting he would want to know my name and other things about me. I want to be an equal and seen as someone who could be a partner, not as a thing there meant for their enjoyment.
I don't think that most people who use these terms of endearment, mean to be condisending. The world is already a cold enough place...why waste time of thought on words that are meant to warm and fuzzy? instead think for akward alternative;these people might be triing to express. ig...I like you...your funny....I wish I had more time to get know you...i'm wishing you blessings...great smile...your remind me of my mother/father/sister/brother/cousin/daughter/son/grandparent or whatever...you pretty...or just you seem nice. Its called a peck. Why shouldn't people want to be liked? If it truly bothers you should PRIVATELY TELL ANY OFFENDER..so you don't offend them...you could open with I know I'm a little crazy but...
oh you don't need to work so hard to be differant...but try to be true to you.
If you were going to Baltimore, you would be hon to everyone. People there grow up with that word used that way, so people there uses it that way. It is just appropriate speech there.
The difference in usage verses some of the others, such as "babe", is that it is used universally. It isn't only a guy to girl endearment (or sexist comment), it is used across genders and ages equally. It would be hard to see an 80 year old woman call a 40 year old man babe, or vice versa, but hon will do.
Eaglekiwi Level 2 Commenter 2 years ago
Great hub and no youre definately not wierd!..I actually dont mind some cutesy names if its appropriate,for instance I always knew if my dad was mad at me because he used my full name ,haha,
but normally it might be sweetheart or baby( which didnt go down well when I was a teenager) but he reckoned hed earned the right to call me whatever he wanted ,and did til the day he died.
Im a New Zealander and kiwi guys are slow to using cute names ,so its actually amusing n sweet for me if my hubby who is American calls me baby...but I guess if he called anyone else that it would stop feeling cute!
I still am not used to strangers saying it though.( like Im not your baby, or honey or sexymama)...
Thumbs up hun ,lol couldnt resist, good job Jen!